Free agency galore!

this is insanity. i wish the nfl locked itself out every year. i will take the complete and utter madness of a five day free agency, rather then a five month spread out lameness that it usually is. maybe im biased, since the eagles had maybe the best free agency period of all time, picking up asomugha, v, young, babin, and jenkins, just to name a few, tehe. anyway, ive yearned for the nfl, and it came back with an accidental ferociousness, with the likes no one has even thought about seeing before. keep it up, im lovin it. even the skins made some smart moves, which surprised me, since they usually do idiotic things, which i admit, i mock yearly. getting rid of fat albert, although im sure he will act differently in new england, because they win. saying sionora to mcnabb, and recieving much needed future draft picks, that in the past theyd be giving away. the jets, getting plaxico, a true offensive threat, in which i think will be hungry to dominate again. who wouldnt, being in jail will undoubtedly set you on the straight and narrow. my odds for this years superbowl are as follows.... packers. it doesnt matter who picked up who during the free agency period. green bay still has the same team, they have the best chance to win it all. patriots. dont forget new england only last two games during the regular season last year. picking up mr. cinco will ultimately put them in the superbowl. eagles. although they had the best free agency period ive ever seen, theyre still the eagles. im used to them looking amazing, til they get to the nfc championship game and choke. jets, jets, jets. i dont know why, i just like rex ryan. either way, theyve made it to back to back afc championship games, and i think its their time. so, its gonna be eagles and patriots in the superbowl, lol. just kidding, thats only what im hoping for. a superbowl thirtynine rematch. go eagles

FINALLY!!! The lockout is over!!!

yaaaaayyyyy. i cant befuckinlieve it, its finally over. thats right, the nfl lockout is over. now, we can get down to some business. now, greg can blog about favre joining the eagles as a backup, hopefully ending the possibility of a catastrophic natural disaster. finally, the skins can pay some ridiculous amount of money to an unworthy player, setting them back another year. finally, we can talk about something other than baseball, which has basically become a mockery. for the love of god, finally, i can start thinking about fantasy football, which i hope to repeat last years championship season. and yes, finally, sports talk radio is relevant again, unless youre doc walker. so lets get ready ya assclowns, ya damn straight im ready for some foolsball.

Cmon football!!!

ive got no blog to report. im just completely bored and cant wait til this stupid god damn nfl lockout is over. thats all, go eagles....

Will it end today?

this is the day most experts say the lockout will end. for the love of god, let it be so. imtired of watching baseball, golf, and womens soccer, wtf. we all need some free agent talk, especially me, since i know the eagles have some huge decisions to make. lets all keep our fingers crossed, i need to start reading the fantasy football preview, hurry.

Vince Mcmahon gets fired!!!

wow, who wouldve thunk it. just one day after c.m. punk snatches the wwe title from john cena at the money in the bank ppv, and leaves the wwe with the title, and right before firing cena for losing, triple h comes down to the ring and has two words for him, youre fired. well, it wasnt as cold blooded as that. paul lavesque, triple h, told mcmahon the board of directors had a meeting and decided to relieve him of his duties as head of operations. with genuine tears flowing down mcmahons face, triple h began to tear up, telling mcmahon that he was now head of operations. wow, look over your shoulder vinnie mac, the heir to throne is in the hizzy. did triple h even retire yet. couldnt he just give himself the belt, since there is no wwe champion, since vince stopped the championship bout from happening on raw. crazy shit. i guess tune in next monday night to see wtf is goin down. degeneration x.....

Derek Jeter hits 3000!

even i have to admit it was an impressive performance by derek jeter saturday night. not only hitting his three thousandth hit, his three thousanth hit was a homerun, and he finished the game five for five. the only yankee in history to accomplish the feat, i must give him his due props, even though he did fake that calf injuey three weeks ago so he could get his three thousandth hit at home. congrats jeter.

Top 10 Sports Dramas of All-Time

Hello 2 Dicks Sports fans, I've compiled a list of the Top 10 Sports Dramas of all-time, according to yours truly, the older Dick. This is my opinion, so don't get your panties in a bunch if you don't agree. This is more of an article than a blog, its pretty extensive, it has taken me a week to write, sorry for the wait... Enjoy!!!!

10: Rudy (1993)- Starting at number 10, is Rudy! In Sean Astins finest acting job, next to The Goonies, future hobbit plays Daniel E. Reutigger (Rudy), a pint-sized unathletic dyslexic football player, whose creepy obsession with Notre Dame football consumes him. With no support from his family or friends, he leaves them and his girlfriend behind to pursue his dream. After being mocked for his low grades and no athleticism, his passion and heart gained the support of the other players, and the team rallied behind him. After being diagnosed with dyslexia, his grades began to improve enough for him to join the team. In the last game of the season against Georgia Tech, Rudy finally got the chance he dreamed about for the last fifteen years. He played one snap, and had one tackle, as the crowd chanted Rudy! Rudy! Everyone loves an underdog story, and Rudy portays the underdog role to a t. The actual footage of the last game against Georgia Tech, was filmed at halftime in a 1992 game against Boston College, so the crowd was actually live, which was rare (most films used computer-generated fans to fill the stadium). In fact, it was the first film in 53 years that was shot in the Notre Dame stadium. Go Rudy!

9: Rocky IV (1985)- On the verge of retiring, Rocky Balboa stands in Apollo Creeds corner, as Apollo boxes in an exhibition bout agaist steroided-out Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren). After Creed gets absolutely hammered in the ring, and dies, Rocky vows to revenge his death. Rocky trains in Russia, running up snowy mountains, and tossing logs around. He actually relinquishes his belt to box Drago on Christmas Day in Russia, in an unsanctioned bout. After taking early punishment in the first few rounds, Rocky gets some good blows in, giving Drago a gash near his eye (which apparently makes the steroids wear off, lol). The entirely Russian crowd, who heavily cheered for the hometown american killer at first, began to chant for 'the iron horse" (The first time Rockys mentioned by a different nickname than "The Italian Stallion"), Rocky! Rocky! The roided out Drago commy (Lundgrens actually from Sweden) then gets his ass handed to him in the 15th and final round. America, Fuck yeah! Rocky IV is the highest grossing boxing movie of all-time (with $127 million in sales), and is the second highest grossing sports drama next to The Blind Side. A crowning achievement in cinementography with cold war patriotism, which makes Rocky IV an all-time great!

8: Invincible (2006)- The true story, in 1976, of Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg), a substitute teacher and part-time bartender from South Philadelphia, whose dreams come true when he goes to an open tryout conducted by Philadelphia Eagles coach Dick Vermeil. With the oppurtunity of a lifetime, he impresses the coaches with his footwork, and ability to learn quickly even without any college football expereience under his belt. Miraculously, he makes the team as a special teams player! Battling his personal problems, and the not-so-friendly neighborhood of South Philly, he runs into New York football Giants fan Elizabeth Banks (yummy), and falls for her. His play on the field becomes Invincible, culminating in his best professional game against the hated Giants. His crowning achievement comes on a muffed punt, where he snags the ball from the Giant bastard and takes it to the house for a touchdown! A true classic, although I do admit I love it so much due to my Eagles' bias, is also highly hilarious that the movie was filmed in Texas Stadium! Haha, killed two fags with one movie!

7: Miracle (2004)- What america needed was a miracle. What it got was a hockey game. It was 1980, and the Olympics were on the horizon. Herb Brooks (Kurt Russell), former Olympian for the '64 & '68 U.S. hockey teams, was chosen to lead an all-college U.S. hockey team to glory. The odds were heavily stacked against them, but the more games the team played together, the stronger they grew as a team, and family. Heading into their semi-final game against Russia, who had recently beat an NHL team of all-stars a few months prior, Coach Brooks told his players they were more of a team than the selfish all-stars of the NHL. A seemingly unstoppable Russian team came into the games with 4 consecutive gold medals in hockey, but the americans were a team of destiny, and made the Russians their bitches. Holding the Russians to no goals over the last 10 minutes of regulation, the crowd at The Field House in Lake Placid, NY went bonkers as the time clicked down... Al Michaels famous quote perverberated around the world... "Do you believe in miracles? Yes!"... the most memorable quote in Olympic history! Amazingly, with over 280 miles of film used, Miracle used the most film in any Disney movie in history. U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!

6: Raging Bull (1980)- A thrilling roller coaster of emotions, Jake Lemotta (Robert Deniro), an up and coming middleweight boxer in 1941, shows his fury for boxing and life. From his accomplishments, such as winng the championship belt, all the way to his downfall and subsequent mental breakdown, Martin Scorcese depicts Lemotta only in a majestic way that Scorcese can. From brash and sadomasochistic rage, to sexual jealousy, Jakes animalistic appetite for self-destruction impales the viewer in a variety of ways, leaving them awe-stricken and shook to the core. Another masterpiece! If it weren't in black and white, it would be higher on the list, lol. Joe Pesci's role as Lemottas brother is classic! His unique way at looking at life, and his extremely explicit commentary is priceless! Sparring on the other hand, wasn't his strong suit. In one scene, Deniro accidentally cracks one of his ribs, as the camera instantly goes to a different angle, haha! Another tidbit, from the sound f/x in the movie, is that the punches heard were actually melons and tomatoes being squashed, and camera flashes were actually gunshots being fired.

5: Hoosiers (1986)- The gripping story of a high school teacher/basketball coach, Norman Dale (Gene Hackman), who pulls a team, and eventually a community together, creating an unstoppable force. It wasn't easy at first for Dale, who was fired from his previous coaching job for striking a player, only 7 players tried out for the team, and the best player in town deciding not to play basketball that year. As the season began, the community became unfond of Coach Dales temper and boring coaching methods, and eventually had a town meeting that almost led to Dale getting fired! Out of left field, Jimmy (the best basketball player in town), saw something in Dale and agreed to join the team. The town went crazy, and the rest is history. Gene Hackman is the man, they couldn't have picked a better actor to play the role. I can't seem to leave the room when it's on tv, I don't know why or how, it just grabs on, like a preying mantis gripping its mates head after consimating, and won't let go.

4: Chariots of Fire (1981)- The only foreign film on the list, Chariots of Fire is a test of racial and religious pride. Ranked 19th by the British Film Institutes top 100 Films, its the journey of 2 British runners, Eric Lidell, a devout scottish christian that runs for god, and Harold Abrahams, an English Jew, who runs to overcome prejudice, and their ride to the Olympics. It also has the greatest song ever, Chariots of Fire, thats been used in a million movies, as sort of a slow motion victory interlude. Awesomeness!! While Lidell refuses to run in a heat on a Sunday, god's day, even though he was pressured by the Prince of Wales and the British Olympic Commitee (which made worldwide news), it looks like his dream might fall short. But, teammate Robert Lindsay, who already won silver in a previous event, gives up his slot in a 400m race to Lidell. Meanwhile, Abrahams (the dorky professor from Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield) falls short against the heavily favored U.S. in a 200 meter race, only leaving him with one chance left, the 100 meters! Incredibly, both Englishmen win their respective races & the respect & admiration of an entire continent, if not the world. The British team returns home triumphant! If you haven't seen this movie, please go watch it as soon as possible. It's definitely worth it!

3: The Natural (1984)- Only true sports fans know how great this movie is. Starring Robert Redford, Robert Duvall, Glenn Close, and Kim Bassinger, The Natural is the story of a young farmboy who was on a train headed to Chicago for a Cubs tryout, but was shot in the stomach, ending his dreams. One day while farming, his father has a heart attack and dies, so he must manage the farm. With his passion for baseball still there, Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford) witnesses a lightning bolt strike a tree on his farm (the same tree where his dad died under), that splits the tree in half. He makes a baseball bat from the treelimb, naming it Wonderboy, and it seems as if the bat has supernatural powers. At 35 years old, he tries his hand again at playing baseball, and is signed by the NY Knights, due to his "Natural" baseball talents. After finally getting his shot, because one of his teammates dies running through the outfield fence going after a flyball. He instantly begins to shine, shockingly knocking the cover off the ball, after a hitting coach inspired him to do so. In the greatest scene in sports movie history, when Roy hits an amazing homerun that busts out the lights (in what had to be an 800 foot homerun, all while his stomach bled through his jersey), The Natural will go down as one of sports greatest movies.

2: Field of Dreams (1989)- The movie fashioned after a best-selling novel ny W.P. Kinsella, is a story of an Iowa corn farmer Ray Kinsella (Director Alden Robinson used the authors last name for costner's role), who all his life searched for his dreams. One day while farming in the field, his dreams came looking for him, as he hears a voice tell him, "If you build it, he will come.", and sees a vision of a baseball field. It is "HE will come", some people think the voice (Ray Liotta) says "THEY will come", but that's not the case. Ray (Kevin Costner) interprets this message to mean he must build a baseball field on his farm, even at the cost of almost losing his farm, and alienating his family. After nothing happens on the newly constructed baseball field, and hope is lost, Rays wife notices someone on the field. To his disbelief, it's the ghost of "Shoeless" Joe Jackson (Ray Liotta), a former baseball player for The Chicago Black Sox in 1919, who was banned from the game for throwing the World Series. Eventually, the ghosts of the other 7 banned Black Sox players come out of the cornfield, wanting to play a game. When the voices continue, Ray seeks out a reclusive Author (James Earl Jones) to help him understand the meaning of the messages & purpose of the field. All culminating in the greatest tear-jerking moment in Sports Drama history, as Rays father comes out of the cornfield to play catch with him (sniffle). Field of Dreams has so many great quotes that have grasped a generation, but I doubt younger people even care; morons. Quotes like, "Feel his pain", "Go the Distance", and the 39th ranked movie quote of all-time, "If you build it, he will come.", Field of Dreams sparked a fire in the heart of the most manly men, breaking them down into little weeping babies, and spread gut-wrenching emotion around the world, even winning best foreign film in Japan. My favorite movie as a kid, no question Field of Dreams deserves the number 2 slot.

That means, we're down to the nitty gritty, the numero uno grand spectacular end all of all Sports Drama.... The Greatest Sports Drama of all-time is.....

1: Rocky (1976)- Adrian!!! It's blatently obvious, the greatest sports movie (not just sports drama) of all time is Rocky! Rocky is the story of a young, poor, kind hearted debt collector for a loan shark, who gets the oppurtunity of a lifetime to box for the heavyweight championship. Training in Philadelphia, running up the famous museum steps (Eye of the tiger son!!), and taking club fights for nickels and dimes, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stalone) just tries to survive in a tough neighborhood of Philadelphia. At the same time, with the bi-centennial around the corner, Heavyweight boxing champion Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) looks to find a "Cinderella" challenger for a July 4th championship boxing bout. A man he can "glorify" for a few rounds, before pummeling them and knockin em the fuck out! He saw Rocky fight, and knew instantly he was his man. While training, Rocky falls in love with a shy, reclusive girl who works in a pet shop, Adrian (Talia Shire), and everything falls into place as he boxes the match of a lifetime, knocking out Apollo Creed in the 15th round to claim the Heavyweight Championship of the world!!! Shot in 28 days, and modeled after a 1975 fight between Ali and Wepner, Rocky is a true great, and is ranked 57th on AFI's top 100 greatest movies of all time!! With historic moments like, "Yo, Adrian!", the 80th best movie quote of all-time, and the glorious run to the top of the "Rocky Steps" (Philadelphia Museum of Art), everyone and their mothers have seen this sports collosal. Winner of 3 Oscars, including Best Picture, it was the first movie to use the stedi-cam (like in the tv show COPS). Most people don't know that Bette Midler was offered the part of Adrian, but declined, later on admitting how big a mistake that was. Also, the gloves used in the movie were referred to as "Casanovas", and were illegal in the U.S., and they used them because they looked so sleek. When filming the 2 scenes running up the "Rocky Steps", they were filmed 2 hours apart. Before, and after sunrise! The Rocky franchise, with its 6 movies, has earned 1.25 Billion dollars!!! That's a Sly Stallone!!

Everyone bow down to Rocky, The Greatest Sports Drama of All Time!!!!

That's it, I hope you enjoyed! Again, this is only my Top 10, and my opinion only. Every movie on the list I have seen. So, certain movies like The Wrestler aren't on the list, simply because I haven't seen it. Please leave a comment, any and all are welcomed and appreciated. Thanks again for supporting these 2 Dicks, holla! Please vote for your favorite Sports Drama at the top left of the blog!

Ming Yao, "Zai Jian!"

after nine injury plagued years, the greatest basketball player in chinese history hangs up his size thirty shoes. damn, not only is the nba being locked out, all of their profit from rockets marketing of ming jerseys is maybe even a bigger financial blow. the most voted for allstar of the last ten years, due to the two billion asian voters, yao will go down as the greatest giant man of all time. im talkin freakishly giant, over seven four. no other giant man really made that big an impact. he almost made houston a contender again, but all of his leg and foot injuries wouldnt allow him to be consistent. poor giant headed chinaman, thanks for all the memories.

Michael Beasley; Pothead

really michael beasley, driving eighty four miles per hour with over sixteen grams of chronic under your passenger seat. but, wait. he said it was a friends who accidentally left it there. uh, okay. would you rather be a pothead, or a coplete moron. id choose pothead. just tell the truth, that you were late to a party and perhaps there might have been some hotties there. perhaps other nba locked out players were there, counting on those headies for mass tokeage. i.e. jason terry, portland players. either way, i wanna chill with this guy. holla at ya boy beasley, its gonna be a long summer. btw, do you prefer purple haze or sour diesel....

This Weeks Dick Of The Week Award Goes To.....

Guess who's back BITCHES!!!! It is I, the injury prone older dick. Thanks for all of the get well wishes, I've been having back issues/spasms/cracked vertebrae/detached spinal chord/slipped disk... Okay, maybe not the last few, but who cares. I'm back just in time to announce this weeks dick of the mu fuckin week. This Dick, who has been on the shelf for the last ten days, cause of his hurty back (what a pussy), deserves this award maybe more than any other dick! His ways have pissed off many people and thus, let many people down. He wishes he could apologize to his fellow employees and authors, but the damage has already been done. This piece of shit needs to get his blog back on! So, without further ado... This weeks Dick of the Week Award goes to............

Me, the older, more refined (and somewhat crippled) DICK!!!! Thank you all!!

Get Well Soon!

We know the output of blogs has slowed down over the past week here at 2 Dicks.  What can we say?  It's a slow time of the year for sports.  And unfortunately, Older Dick has injured his back.  Please join us in wishing him well so he can get back on the blog!!

the best team name in college history, the gamecocks, just won their second consecutive world series. thats right, back to back cock champions. these cocks know how to play ball, or with their balls, whatever. congratulations from two dicks sports, we have a lot in common with these gamecocks. for instance... cocks and dicks... well, thats about all i guess. well, i guess we also like playing with balls. not each others, cause that would be flamingly homo, and im as straight as an erect gamecock. with that being said, maybe we should change our blog name to gamedicks, haha. anyway, congrats to the south carolina gamecocks, college baseballs finest cocks.

Best First Pitch Ever

How To Lose A Game On An Intentional Walk

Name Change! Brilliant!

Ok, so most people would agree that Ron Artest has to be one of the most intelligent players in the NBA.  I mean he is always shaving insightful messages into his haircut.
    
See, he even knows Chinese.  So when I read this article and learned that he would be legally changing his name to Metta World Peace, I knew it must be one of the most brilliant moves any man could make.  There are always lessons to learn from Ron Artest.  Only, one problem.  They will have to change the title of this YouTube clip to "World Peace Knocks Pistons Fan The Fuck Out."

Roddick Out

Son of a bitch.  

Football Cops

Nats Back at it! Riggleman high tails it out of Washington :-(

the nats continue their winning ways, with a l zero victory, thus getting the sweep, over the seattle mariners. impressive fo sho, ive never seen them play this well. over five hundred for the first time since their first or second year in existence i think, haha, i could be wrong. but, it doesnt matter, theyve got a taste for victory, too many times have they tasted defeat, finally ready to compete. how bout letting storen pitch the ninth in a tie game, im up agaist the other dick fantasy baseball this week, and hes murdalizing me already. but, thats not the big news. the big news is that riggleman resigned after the game, due to his contract. damn, what way to go, after such an amazing winning streak. youd think that mightve saved his job, apparently not. how is team chemistry gonna be now without him, i guess we will see. good luck rigglesworth, thanks for giving us some riggle room.

Mark cuban- Next Dodgers Owner?

seems like perfect timing if ya ask me. dodgers need a new owner, and when asked about it, mark cuban replied. he said the thought definitely didnt slip his mind. i think it would be great for baseball. he might not be all there mentally, but a marketing genius he definitely is. with easily enough money, and just after winning his first nba title, i wouldnt put it past him. bring your winning ways to the dodgers please, baseball needs you. thats a sad commentary in itself, but it would be awesome.

Tiger, "Bring on the Leprechaun!!"

Don't think for a second that Tiger's not paying (close) attention to what's going on in the PGA tour. Don't think he hasn't heard of the multiple analysts & golf insiders visciously bash him, all but burying him, saying he'll never win another major. Don't even think about thinking Tiger isn't focusing in on Rory's success, only needing to rehabilitate his body; not his mind. Under the pressure cooker, the infidel is never stifled. As for the irishman, even though he just destroyed the field by 8 strokes at the US Open, has shown to crack under the pressure like a virgins hyman. Golf is 90% mental, just wait little boy, Mr. Woodsy's testicularly fortuitive journeys will be dealt with fairly soon.... and then the fun shall begin...

I really don't understand what the big fuss is over Tiger's "time off"! Everyone just wants to get a shovel and start piling dirt on his grave, like his career is over, caput, already touting McIlroy as the "Next Big Thing", a la Brock Lesnar, lmao!! He's won 1 major and 2 other whack ass tournaments, and people are saying he'll be worth a billion dollars in endorsements and earnings by the time his carrer is over?! Are you flippin serious?! Jack Nicklaus said Tiger would win 15 majors when Tiger was still 13 years old! Where was the buildup for Rory? Non-existent... and I'll tell you why... Because he's not gonna be that great!! Golf is just lookin for somebody, anybody, to take the torch from Tiger. Someone exciting to watch, that everyone can cheer for, who can boost the ratings and profit margins. There's only one problem with that.... Tiger ain't goin no where... BITCHES!!!!

I'm in agreeance with Kevin Sheehan, who believes Tiger's got at least four more majors in him. He's only 35, Jack Nicklaus won his last major at 46, and was on the PGA tour until he was 50, before joining the senior tour. So, he's 4 majors from tieing Nicklaus (with 18 majors), and only 11 PGA tour wins behind Sam Sneads mark of 82! There's no way, barring him becoming severley incapacitated (god forbid), he's retiring til he at least gets the five majors, or he's gonna die trying. Do the math, he should be healthy (penile escapades taken care of) by next year, giving him 14 years to win 11 tournaments and four majors. For most great golfers, it would seem like an unlikely (to accomplish) feat... But Tiger isn't just a great golfer, he's a master mentalist!! No one in (sinlge-competitor) sports history has dealt with, and overcome, pressure like Woodsy. I can only recall a hand full of times he's missed a pressure shot (in crucial situations) over his career. If he's leading, or within a couple strokes of the leader, in a tournament after three rounds, he doesn't lose. Other than the PGA Championship two years ago, losing to YE Yang, I can't recall the last time he folded under the pressure, it just doesn't happen. Rory, on the other hand, hasn't shown he can win from behind, or keep the lead when he's up only a few strokes. I know he's young and hasn't had that much experience at this level, but we'll see. Yeah, Rory's got game and one of the sweetest golf swings ever, but he's only won 1 major! There's no comparrison to be made here, Rory doesn't deserve to have his name mentioned in the same blog as Tiger. Tiger's on a whole other level! I bet Tiger is at home, restless, salivating over the oppurtunity to put the lucky little whack leagan of non-victory (when Tiger gets back) leathnu leprechaun in hims place!

Don't think Tiger's not waiting, biding his time, taking all the nay-sayers comments in, letting them settle, & pouncing on these newbies, proving that he is... The numero uno golfer in the existence of the game! Tiger Tiger woods ya'll, counting him out is futile!

Dick of the Week June, 20 2011

JOE BUCK = DICK OF THE WEEK



There isn't an obvious DOTW this week, so we will take this opportunity to recognize Joe Buck.  He is the worst announcer on the planet.  I hate that FOX puts him on EVERYTHING.  Get him out of here.  He clearly has a man crush on Troy Aikman.  He doesn't even like sports.  Listen to him tell Colin Cowherd, a previous DOTW, that he would rather watch the Bachelorette than a baseball game.


Buck_0001 by bsap11

He is just a straight up hater.  Listen to his reaction when Randy Moss has possibly the greatest TD celebration in NFL history, where he pretends to take a shit on Lambeau Field and wipe his ass on the Field Goal post.  That shit was awesome!  Why are you so disgusted?  I think next TD Moss scores he should pull out a picture of Joe Buck and actually take a dump on it!

Joe Buck had his own show on HBO for 3 episodes before they cancelled it.  I don't know why they thought it would be a good idea in the first place.  But, just for fun, watch Artie Lang bust his balls, and eventually light a cigarette in the middle of the show.  Ha!  Joe Buck is a certified Dick!


Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live by

Coffey Time!

Glad to see the Orioles finally win one yesterday.  But, on a side note, this has to be the best relief pitcher entrance in the game.  Because its funny when fat people run.  

Rory Wins!

Just as we predicted here at 2 Dicks on Thursday, Rory McIlroy won the U.S. Open.  It wasn't even really a competition.  He destroyed the field by 8 strokes.  His -16 was the lowest score ever at the U.S. Open.  Every round was under 70.  At 22 years old he is the youngest player since Tiger in 1997 to win a major.  Out of the first two majors this year, he has had one bad round (actually, a really bad round) that cost him the Masters.  Is he now ready to dominate?  Will we see a leprechaun slam?  I guess we will have to wait until the British Open to find out.  Can't wait to watch.  Break out the Guinness! 

The Votes Are in, and the Most Manly Sport Goes To....

voted on by you, two dicks sports fans, rugby is the most manly sport. with no pads, no helmets, although some players wear a jockey cap, the testosterone levels in these manly beasts is impregnable. with the brute strength of hercules, and swift agility like hermes, going toe to toe with these godlike animals can be life altering. bravery and courage run rampant as chunks of turf fly, while blood and tears drench the combatants in their quest for ultimate omnipotence. no regular man dare step onto the battlefield with these gladiators, they revel over the thought of rendering their foes into oblivion, hopeing to discourage future challengers from getting in their path. all hail rugby, the most manly sport.... period.

Get Ready For Capital Punishment Rasslin' Fans!!

The WWE ppv Capital Punishment is at the Verizon Center tomorrow night, I can't wait!! Who am I kidding? There's no way I'm spending 50 bones to watch a bunch of boring same ol' same ol'. It seems the wrestlers keep fighting the same person every damn week. The championship matches tomorrow are John Cena (c) vs. R-Truth, Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian. What are the stipulations in these matches? None! Standard matches?! No tables, ladders, or chairs? Seems wrestling got all safe and health concientious, probably because of head and neck injuries. Pussies!! Meow! Come on, ya'll are professionals! You've been trained for years on how to take a bump, do it for the fans!! What happened to gettin thrown off the top of a cage, or chair shots to the head one after the other? Oh well, bring on Capital Punishment WWE, do something fancy to bring glory back! Haha, disgraceful. Here's a few of my favorite pay per views that were in dc. It's a very short list, haha.

This was a decent ppv, SummerSlam 2005 in the MCI Center. It

wasn't really relevant, this was when I think wrestling began its downfall in the ratings. One of the main events was Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels. I expected more out of Hogan, like always, he pretty much had no real wrestling moves. Just punches, boot to the face, leg drops to the throat, and oh yeah.. The greatest move in wrestling history, if you can call it a move, when Hogan hulks up!! Haha! Anyway, Hogan won, unfortunately. DX all the way!!

As for the last relevant wrestling pay-per-view in the area, that goes to

Starrcade '98, which was at the MCI center. In the main event for the WCW Heavyweight title, it was Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash. Bill Goldberg had yet to lose a match in his career, winning all 173 matches (most matches lasted 30 seconds... spear, jackhammer, pin, win) going into his match with Nash. Nash was doing well, giving Goldberg the toughest match in hs short, dominating career. But, almost 18 minutes into the match, Goldberg started taking over, whippin the 7 footer around like a ragdoll. So, Nash and the NWO (the wolfpack), went to plan b: cheat to win

of course. After an "accidental" knock over of the ref,

momentarily stunning him, Scott Hall comes out of

nowhere in street clothes. He sneaks up to Goldberg

and tases the shit out of him, leading to a jacknife

powerbomb and Goldbergs first career loss!!

Thats all basically, wrestling sucks donkey dick nowadays. I hope somehow Vince can bring some excitement back to the WWE, it's been awhile. John Cena leads the way as one of the lamest champions of all time, get him out of there! At least The Miz sort of knows how to "act". The WWE needs to start a new era! I don't have any suggestions per say, but you're boring the hell out of me. QUIT IT!!!

Nats Continue Murdalizing!!

the nats win again, beating the orioles four to two today, to bring their winning streak up to eight games. the nats just passed the mets for the third place mark in the division. only one game below five hundred, i could get used to blogging about the nats. too bad its at the expense of the orioles, sorry other dick.

The Top 10 Greatest Sports Comedies of All Time!!!

Hello 2 Dicks Sports Fans! I've compiled a list of what movies I think are the most god damn hilarious sports movies I've ever seen! Obviously, this is only my opinion, I'm sure everyone has their own take on which sports movies are the funniest. Enjoy, and please leave your comments below!! Thanks!

#10: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)- With comedic greats Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn leading the way, this is the 5th highest grossing sports comedy with $114 million in sales. What makes this movie so great, is Ben Stiller playing the super evil bad guy, and he does a superb job. Not only does he not seem threatening whatsoever, his comedic genius makes his supporting cast that more loveable. I still have no idea how Vinces team won at the end, impossible, lol.

#9: The Mighty Ducks (1992)- Anyone that's under 35 years old will agree this is one of their favorite sports movies ever! With Emilio Estevez leading a group of the worst hockey wannabee players in town, and leading them to glory, how could you not love this movie! It's not as funny as I thought it was when I was younger, but still a classic.

#8: Kingpin (1996)- This is one of the most underrated comedies of all time. After getting his hand chopped off in the ball return, Woody Harrelson goes on an adventure with Randy Quaid (an amish man) to reclaim his glory. But, Bill Murray and his toupee stand in the way. It doesn't hurt to have Vanessa Angel (mmmmm) in the movie for eye candy either.

#7: The Bad News Bears (1976)- The oldest movie on the list, this is one of my childhood favorites. It's probably the reason I started playing baseball as a kid. With Walter Matthau playing the alcoholic coach, but not really coaching, until he started to have fun with the game and the kids. What a spectacular movie, one of sports comedies all time greats. Too bad they lost in the last game, WTF?! lol

#6: Cool Runnings (1993)- Haha, there's nothing funnier that a fat-ass John Candy teaching Jamaicans how to bobsled! But, miraculously, he does it! Eventhough it's weakly based on a true story, its so damn hilarious just for the fact they hired Candy to be the coach, hahaha, fat ass. But, I loved John Candy, and he's the sole purpose of this movie being so high on the list.

#5: Happy Gilmore (1996)- Two words- "Hey Jackass", haha. Two golf movies in the top five, ya damn straight,it's such a fun sport to make fun of, snoozy jerks! Nothing was funnier than that heckler messing with Happy, I stole that phrase and used it alot in my senior year of high school... Hey jackass! Oh, and yes, Adam Sandler deserves two spots in the top 5, he's just that damn great at being half retarded and violent. Just give it a tap, a tippy. Go to your home!!

#4: Hot Rod (2007)- I don't care what any of you think! Some might say this isn't even a sports movie, and most of you probably haven't even seen this movie. Shame on you, this is one of the funniest god damn sports movies of all time, get used to it!! With SNL's Ryne.. I mean Andy Sandberg, and his goofy ass friends running around town trying impossible ill-conceived stunts, and the longest fall down a mountain in movie history, this movie is a can't miss. Beans, coo coo coo coo cool beans... HAHAHAHA!!!!

#3: Major League (1989)- This baseball cult classic remains in the top three in my book simply for its raw humor. What else would you expect from Charlie Sheen, Wesley Snipes, and Bob "Mr.Belvedere" Uecker (voice of the Brewers in real life), drunken voice of the Indians in this movie. Oh, ya gotta love it! The infidelity, the fist-fights, the man-love, all reasons this movie is so great and hilarious. I just wish they never made any sequels, cause they sucked Rory's freckled balls!!

#2: The Waterboy (1998)- The highest grossing sports comedy of all time, with a staggering $161 million dollars in sales, is by far one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I wish it were on tv more, everyone loves a retarded Adam Sandler, who's momma keeps sayin, "fool's ball is the debil". Haha! With the most hilarious movie quotes of all time, it was a toss up between this and the #1 SC of all time. Lines like... "I said Joe Montegna", "Coach, not only will I do it for you, I...I...I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you", "Who, who dat? Who der?", and "You can do it, cut his fucking head off", makes The Waterboy my almost favorite sports movie of all time... Which means, because you havent seen it on the list, it's pretty damn obvious. The #1 Sports Comedy of all time is..........

#1: Caddyshack (1980)- Duh!! The hands-down funiest sports movie of all time, Caddyshack! This movie has proven to stand the test of time, with comedic legends Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Rodney Dangerfield leading the way. Classicly improvised (probably 75% of the movie), with ingenious humor, and a mechanical gopher that is simply adorable (Especially when he does his little dance :-)). If you haven't seen this comedic monster, you're a MORON! Its the only sports comedy Premiere lists in "The Top 50 Greatest Comedy movies", which means its super duper frickin hilarious sum um a bitches!! They don't make movies like Caddyshack anymore, so I don't think any movie will ever pass it as... THE GREATEST SPORTS COMEDY OF ALL TIME!!!

Here's a list of #11-20 in case you're wondering, lol.....Taladega Nights: the Ballad Of Ricky Bobby, rookie of the year, Blades of Glory, Kicking and Screaming, The Longest Yard, Big Fan, Balls of Fury, The Sandlot, The Benchwarmers, and Little Giants.

Nats Win 6th Straight in Walk-Off Fashion

what a game. i kept changing channels when the nats were pitching, cause im playing against pujols and molina in my fantasy league, that didnt work as molina went yard to tie it up in the ninth at four. for some reason though, i had hope, unlike any other season ive watched the nats. so, in the bottom of the tenth, with one out and runners on first and second, rookie danny espinosa stepped up to the plate. he didnt disappoint as he drove a long fly ball over the fence in right field, for a three run walk off homerun. this is the first time the nats have swept the cardinals in a series since o seven in st. louis, remarkable. only three games under five hundred, things are on the up and up for the previously whack ass natinals. yeah, i spelled it wrong on purpose, haha. go nats.