Get Well Soon!

We know the output of blogs has slowed down over the past week here at 2 Dicks.  What can we say?  It's a slow time of the year for sports.  And unfortunately, Older Dick has injured his back.  Please join us in wishing him well so he can get back on the blog!!

the best team name in college history, the gamecocks, just won their second consecutive world series. thats right, back to back cock champions. these cocks know how to play ball, or with their balls, whatever. congratulations from two dicks sports, we have a lot in common with these gamecocks. for instance... cocks and dicks... well, thats about all i guess. well, i guess we also like playing with balls. not each others, cause that would be flamingly homo, and im as straight as an erect gamecock. with that being said, maybe we should change our blog name to gamedicks, haha. anyway, congrats to the south carolina gamecocks, college baseballs finest cocks.

Best First Pitch Ever

How To Lose A Game On An Intentional Walk

Name Change! Brilliant!

Ok, so most people would agree that Ron Artest has to be one of the most intelligent players in the NBA.  I mean he is always shaving insightful messages into his haircut.
    
See, he even knows Chinese.  So when I read this article and learned that he would be legally changing his name to Metta World Peace, I knew it must be one of the most brilliant moves any man could make.  There are always lessons to learn from Ron Artest.  Only, one problem.  They will have to change the title of this YouTube clip to "World Peace Knocks Pistons Fan The Fuck Out."

Roddick Out

Son of a bitch.  

Football Cops

Nats Back at it! Riggleman high tails it out of Washington :-(

the nats continue their winning ways, with a l zero victory, thus getting the sweep, over the seattle mariners. impressive fo sho, ive never seen them play this well. over five hundred for the first time since their first or second year in existence i think, haha, i could be wrong. but, it doesnt matter, theyve got a taste for victory, too many times have they tasted defeat, finally ready to compete. how bout letting storen pitch the ninth in a tie game, im up agaist the other dick fantasy baseball this week, and hes murdalizing me already. but, thats not the big news. the big news is that riggleman resigned after the game, due to his contract. damn, what way to go, after such an amazing winning streak. youd think that mightve saved his job, apparently not. how is team chemistry gonna be now without him, i guess we will see. good luck rigglesworth, thanks for giving us some riggle room.

Mark cuban- Next Dodgers Owner?

seems like perfect timing if ya ask me. dodgers need a new owner, and when asked about it, mark cuban replied. he said the thought definitely didnt slip his mind. i think it would be great for baseball. he might not be all there mentally, but a marketing genius he definitely is. with easily enough money, and just after winning his first nba title, i wouldnt put it past him. bring your winning ways to the dodgers please, baseball needs you. thats a sad commentary in itself, but it would be awesome.

Tiger, "Bring on the Leprechaun!!"

Don't think for a second that Tiger's not paying (close) attention to what's going on in the PGA tour. Don't think he hasn't heard of the multiple analysts & golf insiders visciously bash him, all but burying him, saying he'll never win another major. Don't even think about thinking Tiger isn't focusing in on Rory's success, only needing to rehabilitate his body; not his mind. Under the pressure cooker, the infidel is never stifled. As for the irishman, even though he just destroyed the field by 8 strokes at the US Open, has shown to crack under the pressure like a virgins hyman. Golf is 90% mental, just wait little boy, Mr. Woodsy's testicularly fortuitive journeys will be dealt with fairly soon.... and then the fun shall begin...

I really don't understand what the big fuss is over Tiger's "time off"! Everyone just wants to get a shovel and start piling dirt on his grave, like his career is over, caput, already touting McIlroy as the "Next Big Thing", a la Brock Lesnar, lmao!! He's won 1 major and 2 other whack ass tournaments, and people are saying he'll be worth a billion dollars in endorsements and earnings by the time his carrer is over?! Are you flippin serious?! Jack Nicklaus said Tiger would win 15 majors when Tiger was still 13 years old! Where was the buildup for Rory? Non-existent... and I'll tell you why... Because he's not gonna be that great!! Golf is just lookin for somebody, anybody, to take the torch from Tiger. Someone exciting to watch, that everyone can cheer for, who can boost the ratings and profit margins. There's only one problem with that.... Tiger ain't goin no where... BITCHES!!!!

I'm in agreeance with Kevin Sheehan, who believes Tiger's got at least four more majors in him. He's only 35, Jack Nicklaus won his last major at 46, and was on the PGA tour until he was 50, before joining the senior tour. So, he's 4 majors from tieing Nicklaus (with 18 majors), and only 11 PGA tour wins behind Sam Sneads mark of 82! There's no way, barring him becoming severley incapacitated (god forbid), he's retiring til he at least gets the five majors, or he's gonna die trying. Do the math, he should be healthy (penile escapades taken care of) by next year, giving him 14 years to win 11 tournaments and four majors. For most great golfers, it would seem like an unlikely (to accomplish) feat... But Tiger isn't just a great golfer, he's a master mentalist!! No one in (sinlge-competitor) sports history has dealt with, and overcome, pressure like Woodsy. I can only recall a hand full of times he's missed a pressure shot (in crucial situations) over his career. If he's leading, or within a couple strokes of the leader, in a tournament after three rounds, he doesn't lose. Other than the PGA Championship two years ago, losing to YE Yang, I can't recall the last time he folded under the pressure, it just doesn't happen. Rory, on the other hand, hasn't shown he can win from behind, or keep the lead when he's up only a few strokes. I know he's young and hasn't had that much experience at this level, but we'll see. Yeah, Rory's got game and one of the sweetest golf swings ever, but he's only won 1 major! There's no comparrison to be made here, Rory doesn't deserve to have his name mentioned in the same blog as Tiger. Tiger's on a whole other level! I bet Tiger is at home, restless, salivating over the oppurtunity to put the lucky little whack leagan of non-victory (when Tiger gets back) leathnu leprechaun in hims place!

Don't think Tiger's not waiting, biding his time, taking all the nay-sayers comments in, letting them settle, & pouncing on these newbies, proving that he is... The numero uno golfer in the existence of the game! Tiger Tiger woods ya'll, counting him out is futile!

Dick of the Week June, 20 2011

JOE BUCK = DICK OF THE WEEK



There isn't an obvious DOTW this week, so we will take this opportunity to recognize Joe Buck.  He is the worst announcer on the planet.  I hate that FOX puts him on EVERYTHING.  Get him out of here.  He clearly has a man crush on Troy Aikman.  He doesn't even like sports.  Listen to him tell Colin Cowherd, a previous DOTW, that he would rather watch the Bachelorette than a baseball game.


Buck_0001 by bsap11

He is just a straight up hater.  Listen to his reaction when Randy Moss has possibly the greatest TD celebration in NFL history, where he pretends to take a shit on Lambeau Field and wipe his ass on the Field Goal post.  That shit was awesome!  Why are you so disgusted?  I think next TD Moss scores he should pull out a picture of Joe Buck and actually take a dump on it!

Joe Buck had his own show on HBO for 3 episodes before they cancelled it.  I don't know why they thought it would be a good idea in the first place.  But, just for fun, watch Artie Lang bust his balls, and eventually light a cigarette in the middle of the show.  Ha!  Joe Buck is a certified Dick!


Artie Lange on Joe Buck Live by

Coffey Time!

Glad to see the Orioles finally win one yesterday.  But, on a side note, this has to be the best relief pitcher entrance in the game.  Because its funny when fat people run.  

Rory Wins!

Just as we predicted here at 2 Dicks on Thursday, Rory McIlroy won the U.S. Open.  It wasn't even really a competition.  He destroyed the field by 8 strokes.  His -16 was the lowest score ever at the U.S. Open.  Every round was under 70.  At 22 years old he is the youngest player since Tiger in 1997 to win a major.  Out of the first two majors this year, he has had one bad round (actually, a really bad round) that cost him the Masters.  Is he now ready to dominate?  Will we see a leprechaun slam?  I guess we will have to wait until the British Open to find out.  Can't wait to watch.  Break out the Guinness! 

The Votes Are in, and the Most Manly Sport Goes To....

voted on by you, two dicks sports fans, rugby is the most manly sport. with no pads, no helmets, although some players wear a jockey cap, the testosterone levels in these manly beasts is impregnable. with the brute strength of hercules, and swift agility like hermes, going toe to toe with these godlike animals can be life altering. bravery and courage run rampant as chunks of turf fly, while blood and tears drench the combatants in their quest for ultimate omnipotence. no regular man dare step onto the battlefield with these gladiators, they revel over the thought of rendering their foes into oblivion, hopeing to discourage future challengers from getting in their path. all hail rugby, the most manly sport.... period.

Get Ready For Capital Punishment Rasslin' Fans!!

The WWE ppv Capital Punishment is at the Verizon Center tomorrow night, I can't wait!! Who am I kidding? There's no way I'm spending 50 bones to watch a bunch of boring same ol' same ol'. It seems the wrestlers keep fighting the same person every damn week. The championship matches tomorrow are John Cena (c) vs. R-Truth, Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian. What are the stipulations in these matches? None! Standard matches?! No tables, ladders, or chairs? Seems wrestling got all safe and health concientious, probably because of head and neck injuries. Pussies!! Meow! Come on, ya'll are professionals! You've been trained for years on how to take a bump, do it for the fans!! What happened to gettin thrown off the top of a cage, or chair shots to the head one after the other? Oh well, bring on Capital Punishment WWE, do something fancy to bring glory back! Haha, disgraceful. Here's a few of my favorite pay per views that were in dc. It's a very short list, haha.

This was a decent ppv, SummerSlam 2005 in the MCI Center. It

wasn't really relevant, this was when I think wrestling began its downfall in the ratings. One of the main events was Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels. I expected more out of Hogan, like always, he pretty much had no real wrestling moves. Just punches, boot to the face, leg drops to the throat, and oh yeah.. The greatest move in wrestling history, if you can call it a move, when Hogan hulks up!! Haha! Anyway, Hogan won, unfortunately. DX all the way!!

As for the last relevant wrestling pay-per-view in the area, that goes to

Starrcade '98, which was at the MCI center. In the main event for the WCW Heavyweight title, it was Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash. Bill Goldberg had yet to lose a match in his career, winning all 173 matches (most matches lasted 30 seconds... spear, jackhammer, pin, win) going into his match with Nash. Nash was doing well, giving Goldberg the toughest match in hs short, dominating career. But, almost 18 minutes into the match, Goldberg started taking over, whippin the 7 footer around like a ragdoll. So, Nash and the NWO (the wolfpack), went to plan b: cheat to win

of course. After an "accidental" knock over of the ref,

momentarily stunning him, Scott Hall comes out of

nowhere in street clothes. He sneaks up to Goldberg

and tases the shit out of him, leading to a jacknife

powerbomb and Goldbergs first career loss!!

Thats all basically, wrestling sucks donkey dick nowadays. I hope somehow Vince can bring some excitement back to the WWE, it's been awhile. John Cena leads the way as one of the lamest champions of all time, get him out of there! At least The Miz sort of knows how to "act". The WWE needs to start a new era! I don't have any suggestions per say, but you're boring the hell out of me. QUIT IT!!!

Nats Continue Murdalizing!!

the nats win again, beating the orioles four to two today, to bring their winning streak up to eight games. the nats just passed the mets for the third place mark in the division. only one game below five hundred, i could get used to blogging about the nats. too bad its at the expense of the orioles, sorry other dick.

The Top 10 Greatest Sports Comedies of All Time!!!

Hello 2 Dicks Sports Fans! I've compiled a list of what movies I think are the most god damn hilarious sports movies I've ever seen! Obviously, this is only my opinion, I'm sure everyone has their own take on which sports movies are the funniest. Enjoy, and please leave your comments below!! Thanks!

#10: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)- With comedic greats Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn leading the way, this is the 5th highest grossing sports comedy with $114 million in sales. What makes this movie so great, is Ben Stiller playing the super evil bad guy, and he does a superb job. Not only does he not seem threatening whatsoever, his comedic genius makes his supporting cast that more loveable. I still have no idea how Vinces team won at the end, impossible, lol.

#9: The Mighty Ducks (1992)- Anyone that's under 35 years old will agree this is one of their favorite sports movies ever! With Emilio Estevez leading a group of the worst hockey wannabee players in town, and leading them to glory, how could you not love this movie! It's not as funny as I thought it was when I was younger, but still a classic.

#8: Kingpin (1996)- This is one of the most underrated comedies of all time. After getting his hand chopped off in the ball return, Woody Harrelson goes on an adventure with Randy Quaid (an amish man) to reclaim his glory. But, Bill Murray and his toupee stand in the way. It doesn't hurt to have Vanessa Angel (mmmmm) in the movie for eye candy either.

#7: The Bad News Bears (1976)- The oldest movie on the list, this is one of my childhood favorites. It's probably the reason I started playing baseball as a kid. With Walter Matthau playing the alcoholic coach, but not really coaching, until he started to have fun with the game and the kids. What a spectacular movie, one of sports comedies all time greats. Too bad they lost in the last game, WTF?! lol

#6: Cool Runnings (1993)- Haha, there's nothing funnier that a fat-ass John Candy teaching Jamaicans how to bobsled! But, miraculously, he does it! Eventhough it's weakly based on a true story, its so damn hilarious just for the fact they hired Candy to be the coach, hahaha, fat ass. But, I loved John Candy, and he's the sole purpose of this movie being so high on the list.

#5: Happy Gilmore (1996)- Two words- "Hey Jackass", haha. Two golf movies in the top five, ya damn straight,it's such a fun sport to make fun of, snoozy jerks! Nothing was funnier than that heckler messing with Happy, I stole that phrase and used it alot in my senior year of high school... Hey jackass! Oh, and yes, Adam Sandler deserves two spots in the top 5, he's just that damn great at being half retarded and violent. Just give it a tap, a tippy. Go to your home!!

#4: Hot Rod (2007)- I don't care what any of you think! Some might say this isn't even a sports movie, and most of you probably haven't even seen this movie. Shame on you, this is one of the funniest god damn sports movies of all time, get used to it!! With SNL's Ryne.. I mean Andy Sandberg, and his goofy ass friends running around town trying impossible ill-conceived stunts, and the longest fall down a mountain in movie history, this movie is a can't miss. Beans, coo coo coo coo cool beans... HAHAHAHA!!!!

#3: Major League (1989)- This baseball cult classic remains in the top three in my book simply for its raw humor. What else would you expect from Charlie Sheen, Wesley Snipes, and Bob "Mr.Belvedere" Uecker (voice of the Brewers in real life), drunken voice of the Indians in this movie. Oh, ya gotta love it! The infidelity, the fist-fights, the man-love, all reasons this movie is so great and hilarious. I just wish they never made any sequels, cause they sucked Rory's freckled balls!!

#2: The Waterboy (1998)- The highest grossing sports comedy of all time, with a staggering $161 million dollars in sales, is by far one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I wish it were on tv more, everyone loves a retarded Adam Sandler, who's momma keeps sayin, "fool's ball is the debil". Haha! With the most hilarious movie quotes of all time, it was a toss up between this and the #1 SC of all time. Lines like... "I said Joe Montegna", "Coach, not only will I do it for you, I...I...I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you", "Who, who dat? Who der?", and "You can do it, cut his fucking head off", makes The Waterboy my almost favorite sports movie of all time... Which means, because you havent seen it on the list, it's pretty damn obvious. The #1 Sports Comedy of all time is..........

#1: Caddyshack (1980)- Duh!! The hands-down funiest sports movie of all time, Caddyshack! This movie has proven to stand the test of time, with comedic legends Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Rodney Dangerfield leading the way. Classicly improvised (probably 75% of the movie), with ingenious humor, and a mechanical gopher that is simply adorable (Especially when he does his little dance :-)). If you haven't seen this comedic monster, you're a MORON! Its the only sports comedy Premiere lists in "The Top 50 Greatest Comedy movies", which means its super duper frickin hilarious sum um a bitches!! They don't make movies like Caddyshack anymore, so I don't think any movie will ever pass it as... THE GREATEST SPORTS COMEDY OF ALL TIME!!!

Here's a list of #11-20 in case you're wondering, lol.....Taladega Nights: the Ballad Of Ricky Bobby, rookie of the year, Blades of Glory, Kicking and Screaming, The Longest Yard, Big Fan, Balls of Fury, The Sandlot, The Benchwarmers, and Little Giants.

Nats Win 6th Straight in Walk-Off Fashion

what a game. i kept changing channels when the nats were pitching, cause im playing against pujols and molina in my fantasy league, that didnt work as molina went yard to tie it up in the ninth at four. for some reason though, i had hope, unlike any other season ive watched the nats. so, in the bottom of the tenth, with one out and runners on first and second, rookie danny espinosa stepped up to the plate. he didnt disappoint as he drove a long fly ball over the fence in right field, for a three run walk off homerun. this is the first time the nats have swept the cardinals in a series since o seven in st. louis, remarkable. only three games under five hundred, things are on the up and up for the previously whack ass natinals. yeah, i spelled it wrong on purpose, haha. go nats.

Rory Mack Daddy Leprachaun Nuts Is At It Again

After blowing his 54 hole lead at the Masters, and finishing with a dreadful 82 Rory McIlroy has bounced back.  Showing no signs of carry over from the Masters, Rory has jumped out to a 3 shot lead at the 2011 U.S. Open.  He shot 6 under par today, with Schwartzel and Yang tied for second at three under.  Being grouped with Phil Mickelson didn't phase him one bit.  He told Phil to suck on his red freckly balls and beat him by 9 strokes.  This kid has swagger.  Will he be able to build on this lead and win his first major at the age of 22?  Or will he choke it all away again?  Who knows.  But, I like his style and I like his moves.  I'm rootin for the Irishman.  I think he has learned from his performance at the Masters and he can pull off a victory.  That's right, Rory McIlroy is going to win the U.S. Open.  Some great golf today in Bethesda, MD.

Derek Jeter; Fakin'

after being within ten hits of three thousand, derek jeter suffers an apparent calf injury and was placed on the dl. but, do you believe him. i dont. right before starting a road trip, jeter was told by management that he must get his three thousandth hit in yankee stadium, no matter what. the yankees risked resigning him, but they did so only to see him reach three thousand at home. so, what does jeter do, on his last at bat of the game, fake an injury. theres no doubt that the evil yankees need him to get that hit at home, no yankee has ever gotten to three thousand. probably because every player they have, other than jeter, was bought from another team after the yankees watched that player play first. whats the point of having a farm league team or whatever, do the yankees even draft players. just another thing to add to jeters legacy. cheat to win, like when he faked getting hit by a pitch last year, faker. you might say the right thing to the media, but youre not foolin me. i know youre a faker, i know you need the spotlight in your face to feel good about yourself. you just thought faking an injury would put you in good graces with steinbrenner, and im sure he loves you for it. i mean, who wants to get their three thousandth hit in a loser park like wrigley field anyway, haha. being an orioles fan, i hope he never returns to baseball, and stays six hits shy of the milestone. that would be hilarious. i could sleep a little easier at night knowing he would have to bernie mac his way to three thousand, when hes fifty years old, pinch hitting for the twins or something. that i might watch. stop fakin jeter, im waiting for your miraculous recovery one week before the all star game, so you evil yankee dinglenuggets can steal the spotlight again. f u ya yankee doodle pencil dick.

Give Us That Stanley Cup Bitches!!

huck it, chuck it, hockey. its over, and the boston bruins are the champions, my friend. they kept on fighting, till the end. they are the champions, after a resounding four nothing win over the canucks in game seven tonight. what an asswhoopin, a total debacle even. luongo folded under the pressure, pulling a lebron james if you will. thats what you get for stealing the united statess gold medal at the olympics, jk. im happy for boston, their first cup since seventy two, and tim thomas picked up his fifth playoff shutout, earning him the mvp of the stanley cup finals. there is probably a name for the finals mvp in hockey, but i dont care enough to look it up, sorry. it sucks that luongo lebroned the game away, it would have been an amazing overtime tied at o, one goal for it all. but i am a dreamer, and im dreaming of the capitals ovechkin holding the cup up over his head next year son. anyway, congratulations to the boston bruins, the new nhl champions.

Nats On A Winning Streak!!

old mr. reliable livan hernandez lead the washington nationals to their fifth straight win. livan, with an awesome performance wednesday night, a three hit complete game shutout. this is livans fiftieth career complete game, and his one hundredth career home win. he helps the nats to their longest winning streak in two years. thats correct, they havent won five in a row since o nine. finally, an actual winning streak. the nats are coming together as a team, and their prospects and hopeful return of strasburg next season give an outstanding outlook for the future. still a very young team, veterans like livan are showing the youngins how to be professional, and how to believe in themselves. what a competitor, he seemed to pitch with ease, his pitches hitting the exaxt spot pudge wanted him to. the constant professional, hernandez has been all over the league. once met, once diamonback, the nationals are extremely lucky to have a veteran pitcher with so much mlb experience. when the time comes, hopefully he can help guide the nats young pitching staff over the hump. now, if we can get harper and rendon up from the minors by next season, we have a great shot to challenge philadelphia for the division. nats management is doing the right thing, the skins should take notes.

Former Wizard Arrested

Just two days after celebrating the Dallas Mavs' NBA title, former Wizard DeShawn Stevenson was arrested for public intoxication. At 10:30 p.m. last night in Fort Worth, Texas, the police were called to the scene in a random apartment complex, where there had been a reported disturbance. Apparently, a lost DeShawn Stevenson was walking around drunk as shit!! HAHA!! WTF?! How long have you been celebrating, for the last 46 hours?! Jesus, I'd be delirious too If I had been getting tanked for two days straight! But, I don't blame him, he has a reason to celebrate. From being on the woeful Wizards, to getting thrown into the spotlight, and winning the NBA finals?! More unbelievable luck then anything I think. But, he might have another opinion. But really?! Public intoxication?! The arresting officer gave him a sobriety test, said he failed, and that he might be a danger to himself, or others, so he locks him up?! Come on, you couldn't at least ask him to call for a ride and wait there with em? Possibly get an autograph or something?! Nooooo. You had to be another dick cop trying to get his name in the press at the expense of an athlete. So, I won't even mention your name porker. Party on Stevenson!! Even if it is by your lonesome, in a random apartment complex, in the middle of a city you barely know, you deserve it!!

My Solution to MLB Re-Alignment

Ok, enough of this talk about switching the Astros over to the AL.  Even though it would be more balanced, we do NOT want to see interleague play all season long.  There is already too much of that as it is.  And we do not need to get rid of the divisions and have the 5 best records make the playoffs.  Byes work in football because it is only one game.  In a series of seven it can't happen.  It would not be fair to the bullpen of the team without a bye.  So here is what the MLB should do.  Get rid of the wild card and make each League have four divisions.  Let each division winner go to the playoffs and seed them by record.  Here is how it would look:

AL
AL Money Bags
New York Yankees
Boston Redsox

AL East
Baltimore Orioles
Tampa Bay Rays
Toronto Blue Jays
Cleveland Indians

AL Central
Detroit Tigers
Minnesota Twins
Kansas City Royals
Chicago White Sox

AL West
Seattle Mariners
Oakland A's
Texas Rangers
LA Angels

NL
NL East
Philadelphia Phillies
New York Mets
Pittsburgh Pirates
Washington Nationals

NL South 
Florida Marlins
Atlanta Braves
Houston Astros
St. Louis Cardinals

NL Central
Cincinnati Reds
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Colorado Rockies

NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks
LA Dodgers
San Francisco Giants
San Diego Padres


This would be fair for everyone.  This would keep the Red Sox and Yankees from both getting in the playoffs like they do every year.  But, how could they complain, they only have one team to beat?  It does guarantee that one of them makes the playoffs each year, but they always do anyways.  What do you think?

Shaq Has Sex Tape, Is Down With Crips

One of the top sports stories on the web today wasn't from ESPN, it was from TMZ.com.  I got a link there from CBS Sportsline.  Check out the article.  Apparently Shaq used his homeboy, Robert Ross's house to bang his mistresses so his wife wouldn't find out.  Don't worry he's already divorced so we won't have a Tiger Woods situation.  But then he and his homeboy had a falling out after an argument about Ray J royalties (yes the singer).  And also, because Shaq caught Ross creepin with his wife.  So Ross threatened to release a security video sex tape of Shaq.  Then Shaq called up the crips to kidnap this dude and get the tape back.  Whoa.  Never pictured Shaq as much of a gang banger, but who the fuck wouldn't want the Diesel in their gang?  So after reading this I have two thoughts:

1.  I fuckin hate TMZ.  Stay the fuck out of sports.  They are the devil, this story is the devil.  Who the fuck wants to ruin someone's personal life so badly?  This is a private issue between Shaq, his wife, and the Crips.  We do not need to be involved.  I mean TMZ is ruining the personal lives of top quality athletes, which is in turn ruining sports.  Professional athletes are not going to be monogamous.  Their wives should know that.  But, they get the easy life, having a shitload of money, not having to work, and getting to do what ever the fuck they want.  But, TMZ has to broadcast this shit all over the place so their wives are publicly humiliated and HAVE to divorce them.  They already got Tiger Woods and Brett Favre.  Seriously, Shaq just retired, and now they want to release this and tarnish his legacy.  Who's next?  TMZ is slowly destroying sports one cheatin' ass athlete at a time.  This shit needs to stop.  

2.  Who the fuck would want to watch a low quality security video of Shaq having sex?  Why does everyone go so fuckin ape shit when a celebrity sex tape comes out?  Ok an attractive celebrity is one thing, but porn stars are hot too.  Leave the sex tapes to the professionals.  Then maybe TMZ wouldn't spend so much time ruining the lives of athletes.  

So fuck TMZ.  I hope Shaq gets the crips to blow up their building.  Big ups to Shaq Diesel, one of the greatest centers of all time.

Wrigley Field... What a Dump!!

one of the few iconic stadiums in america, wrigley field is over ninety years old, almost as old as the curse. hmm, what a coincidence. could it be, could the reason for the curse lye right in front of cubbies fans eyes. a crumbling stadium, with splotches of crap and urine stains in the bathrooms, but i guess thats part of the experience. but, what would the cubs be if they had no wrigley field. do you think theyd trade wrigley for a world series. doubtful. this stadium will never get shut down, the ivy in the park is ninety years old too, not an easy ivy to find these days, stupid english ivy. how about instead of putting netting to catch falling concrete, you renevate the damn stadium. they did it at fenway, whats a few years without home games really going to do to you. nothing. it will totally be worth it. ive never been to wrigley, and im thirty one. i just hope when i do go, a piece of crackling stadium doesnt land on my head murdering me. with that being said, go cubbies.

And The Award Goes To....

hello boys and girls, a la tony kornheiser, welcome to this weeks installment of... the dick of the week award. its pretty obvious who this weeks dick of the week is.. the wannabee global icon, the villain, the fourth qtr choke artist, mr. immaturity, lebron james. good job dick, not only did you mock dirk, and lose to him twice after mocking him, you tried telling the world youre better than everyone, and we all laughed. so, instead of being known as the global icon, you will now be known as a global dick. youre welcome princess global dick, youre ways pissed off half the country, making the dallas mavericks americas team. now shut your damn mouth for five months, sports talk radios talked about you too damn much, lets move on shall we.

The Biggest Spectacle in Pro Sports, Stanley Cup Finals Game 7

the bruins stay alive, forcing a game seven, with their five two win last night in boston. the home team has won every game in the series, and now it comes down to a decisive game seven. the bruins absolutely dominated early, scoring four goals in four minutes fourteen seconds, a new finals record. before halfway through the first period, luongo was yanked, and the game was basically already over. with home ice being so huge in this series, i think its gonna be a low scoring game seven, two one, or one nothing probably. that would suck. but, this is what sports is about. nothing comes close to a game seven in hockey, especially for lord stanleys cup. not basketball, not baseball, nothing. so prepare yourselves for one of the greatest games in history wednesday night in vancouver. go boston.

What if...? What Lebron Meant to Say....

if youre like me, youve probably wondered to yourself... hmm, why did he say something so god damn stupid. what if he said something that wasnt so dickish, ya know, a logical response. a response that they didnt just blurt out, not thinking at all before speaking... i knew lebron wasnt really calling out everyone, mocking them, na na na na boo boo, i have an awesome life, you all are boring losers. haha, maybe if you thought in your pea sized brain first, you wouldve realized how people were gonna take it. so what im going to do, in a what if kind of way, is tell you what he really wanted to say... lebron, does it bother you that everyone is happy that you failed in the finals. lebron... no, not at all, i brought most of the heat, if you will, upon myself with the stupid comments ive made, and my childlike behavior. ive made myself into the villain, because the bad guy always wins. thats why most of the dynastys in sports history were hated at the time. theyll get over it when my careers done, and i have at least a few titles. we had a good run this year, reaching the finals in our first year as a team. no one had us going this far, and now that we lost in the finals, to a great veteran mavs team mind you, i am considered a failure in pressure situations. oh well, think what you want. im a world class athlete, and the fans are couch patatoes, this hate towards me and my teammates is justified. i want to win, i love basketball, and me and my teammates are gonna do everything in our power to be the best in the world.... see lebron, how hard was that. you have to be a moron to call all the haters regular joes with boring lives. you wanna be the villain, keep on saying stupid shit cockmaster five thoudand.

Richard Wrestles a Bear

Sorry to keep you waiting but it took Richard a fews days to find a suitable bear for wrestling...enjoy, and thank you for helping us reach 500 views!!

video courtesy of youtube - guard5004

Draft 'em Straight out of Jail

I want to start off first by saying that I don't believe Plaxico deserved the two years of jail time he got - however he did deserve some jail time. We all know that NFL players get caught up in the life and the money and the good times and sometimes forget what their true direction in life is...But, as I was pondering this situation, along with Micheal Vick's situation a few years back, a thought occurred to me...maybe all NFL rookies should be thrown in jail for a little while before they get to play. If we look at Micheal Vick's situation - he was an amazing athlete before he went to jail, no question about it, but after he did his time he came out with a good head on his shoulders, he was humbled, and it gave him a sense of direction and a mentality of what he can become if he ditches all the bullshit-party-party that comes along with these young, newly-rich athletes. Also, even though we haven't been able to see Plaxico play yet since his release, you can tell from his interviews that he definitely has been humbled and has a much better disposition towards life and his career. So maybe, just maybe, if we make spending a month or two in jail part of becoming a pro football player, we could get some more efficient, career minded players who will put out good plays and good games and will be much better role models for our children....Hell, lets let the fuckin prisons draft them and send them through a rookie training course - that would be much more entertaining than a lockout :P

Practice?! All I Need Is a Training Camp!

allen iverson wants back in to the nba, and says he wants to help any team win an nba title. iversons been playing professional basketball in turkey, in which he says they embraced him as one of their own. but, he wants back because he thinks hes ready to help any team. just give me a training camp, allen says. give me a shot, and ill show you i still got it. after a calcium deposit grew in his leg, he decided to rest rather then go through with surgery. hopefully he will be at one hundred percent come september, where im sure some nba team will be interested. iverson was one of the most exciting and electric players to watch, crossing jordan up in his rookie season, and making the finals in o one. id love to see him back on the court. you dont need practice, you need a team to practice on. good luck, youre thirty six, you only have a few years left, make them count. but, youd better not join the heat.

Are You Kidding? He Released an Autobiography?