Jonathan "The Coach" Coachman Has Finally Arrived!!

The man, the myth, the legend, former WWF Superstar (Yep, WWF bitches) Jonathan Coachman, has finally landed his dream job as an ESPN analyst, and Sportcenter anchor!! I can't believe I'm the only one who recognizes him, he was an integral part of the good ol' days of rasslin'. His WWF career lasted nine years (1999-2008), starting off doing interviews and commentating the first year of Smackdown. He then began to manage Al Snow, taking down Jerry the King Lawler & Jim Ross,in a tag team match, to earn the right to commentate on Raw instead of Smackdown. "The Coach" was mostly known as a "lackey", sucking up to management big heads Vince and Shane McMahon. That genius move led him to many undeserved matches, including a match in which John Cena was supposed to forfeit the title belt. That, thank god, didn't happen.

All of the matches Jonathan "The Coach" Coachman were in, he either got murdalized and it was a shamockery, or someone interfered (occasionally gaining him a win) and it was a sham-fuckin-mockery. In other words, he was a pitiful wrestler! He only competed in prop matches, which sole purpose was a comedic response. Gee golly, it worked! I still giggle to this day over memories of The Rock, when he told "The Coach" to shut his mouth, grow a pair, and stop lickin monkey nipples. He had no wrestling talent, but I thought he had great communication skills, thats all I really remember about him. He has to be considered an impact "player" in the WWF, why the hell else would they make him into a wrestling action figure?!

Although he was a pretty pathetic competitor in the ring, with a combined overall wrestling record of 5-22, the list of wrestling legends he faced is extremely impressive. Wrestling superstars like Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, Triple H, Randy Orton, Goldberg, Jerry Lawler, Mick Foley, Batista, and John Cena (3 times, all losses of course). With that list of wrestlers, I'm not surprised he had such a pitiful record. He was also in 2 Royal Rumbles, lasting an amazing 14 minutes in 38 seconds in 2005, but only a whopping 30 seconds in 2006. Haha, shitty! After getting his brains bashed in for nine years, (getting thrown through tables, getting blown up by Hornswoggle, getting bitch-slapped by The Rock) "The Coach" deserves it!! I wish you the best Jonathan Coachman, thanks for the great wrestling moments! Good luck at ESPN, your show on espn radio at noon on saturdays is great, you the man!